Dear Kayla

I am proud of who you are.
While having one of our frequent "clothing disagreements" I couldn't help but smile on the inside while I remembered back to all the moments that reflected YOU.

I remember when you were preschool aged you didn't want to play with Barbies.
When I asked you what you didn't like about them you said they "were too fancy".
I remember you secretly confiding in me when you were 5 that you didn't like to dress up like a princess. You said it was boring and you'd rather be a dinosaur.
I remember hearing about you on the kindergarten playground. The girls were under a table and called out to ask you to "join our club".
You cantered by them (because you were a unicorn) and yelled, "No thanks. I've got my own club and I'm the only member."
I remember your outrage at the bathing suits you had to choose from. "Why do girls have to show so much skin? Why can't we be comfortable in our bathing suits?"
And each year since I have spent many an hour looking for the "boy short" cut in girls' bathing suits for you.
I remember your complaints about low rise jeans, and I remember all of my comments, "can you please go back upstairs and put on something that matches?"
This morning you gave me your standard response. "When are you going to learn Mama, that fashion doesn't matter. Only survival. I don't care what I look like so why do you?"

I had about had it at that point and was boiling over. First I said, "OK fine well then you no longer get to watch Project Runway with me since fashion doesn't matter"
You stuttered a bit and said, "well I mean... it does matter it's just..."
It was definitely time for a chat.
I brought you over to me and said, "For some people fashion is art and it is interesting to see. You like seeing it yourself or you wouldn't beg me to watch Project Runway all the time." You agreed with that point.
Then I said, "However, I do not, nor will I ever expect you to care about fashion, dress a certain way or do anything you don't care about doing. But you must have your hair brushed every morning and you must wear something that is clean and decent looking. And the reason you must do those things is because it shows people you are well cared for. If you go out with your hair sticking in all directions and a wrinkly t shirt that doesn't match your shorts it looks as though your mother doesn't take good care of you, doesn't it? It is perfectly fine to wear hand me down clothes (most of ours are in this house) and to wear simple outfits, but you must at least take care of yourself each morning and stop fighting me on it."
"Your health and happiness and the mark that you leave upon this earth are far more important than what you wear. I realize that. And many people have no choice but to wear the same shirt every day, and some have no shirt at all. But you have several shirts and dresses, so at least put a second of thought in to it OK?"

I don't think you had ever looked at it that way, so I'm hoping we don't continue this discussion every morning.
Through all of these moments, though, I am proud of who you are. You crack me up. Many people predict that you are a budding feminist and tree hugger. I love it.
Go for it! Be who you want to be Kayla and revel in it!
But could you please stop putting that pink shirt with those orange shorts, Please??