Just happy to be here

So at some point I really want to write about the things that I am most proud of as a Mom.
But I am finding that I'm not able to do it right now.

After a recent tragedy in our extended family, as a Mom took her own life, all I can think about is that I'm happy to be here.
I hope that my kids never have to experience the awful devastation of losing a parent while they are still children.
When taking your own life seems like the best option, a person must be in such a deep depression and so totally lost that it is unfathomable to most of us.
It scares me.
I wonder if a person has those tendencies and thoughts from a young age, or can a major depression happen to any of us?
That REALLY scares me.

Suicide seems so utterly selfish to me, but that makes me realize just how much I DON'T know about depression. While many people feel angry towards this woman, I can't help but feel totally sad for her.
I don't want to think that she is in hell, as some people may.
I want the suffering to be over for her.
Most of all, I hope that her kids can find some kind of peace. I feel the worst for them!
But for right now, I am holding my kids a little closer and just feeling happy to be here.